no mask

"Dave, 

I looked you up 

I read your books. 

tell me about you, 

tell me about Soul." 

"there is nothing to be told. 

I passed the past test 

not the top, not the best 

but I wrote what weighed on my chest 

I felt that I was blessed 

I let her in in my heart as a guest 

she came in and we built a nest 

I was pure, she was impressed 

we rushed it because I thought we can rerest 

she ignored the past when I was a mess 

she ignored the gun, she ignored the vest 

I ignored the fact that she was depressed 

I ignored that her love was unexpressed 

but when she made her choices 

I respected them even though 

I was homeless and dispossessed." 

"what happened after, Dave?" 

"Joy, do you really want to know?" 

"yeah, tell me how did you grow?" 

"I lost control of my soul 

I went to bed with dierent women 

and gave parts of me so they can be whole. 

I thought I’m making progress 

but I lost me in the process." 

"Did you leave God?" 

"I didn’t talk to him for a while, 

I blamed him and I put him on trail 

like Job 

I lost hope 

I published my book 

and the pastor in the church I was attending 

couldn’t cope. 

he told me that a Christian would never write a book like this 

I felt that it was remiss 

of me to do part and I was dismissed 

from the church 

and that hurt the most. 

I went home and burned all of my notes 

my poems, even the ones that my heart wrote. 

even when I say these things to you, Joy, 

I feel the heaviness in my throat." 

she held my hand. 

for the rst time

I could feel coldness of her soft skin 

I could see the tears that didn’t come out 

I could hear her heartbeat beating louder than 

the music played in the coee shop 

I could see the dying steam of her tea 

I could sense the mixture of her perfume and her feelings. 

her soft hand was a cure to my pain 

I could hear the pain screaming angrily at me 

it needed my attention 

once you ignore the pain 

the process makes sense. 

"Dave, 

thank you for sharing. 

you’re such a caring person. 

you’re a good man. 

look, 

I’ve never been with someone 

ever 

but I’m willing to give us 

a chance 

if you want." 

"okay, 

but I only have one thing to ask 

I want it to be a part of our task 

let’s be exactly who we are 

because I’m tired of the masks." 

"no mask!"